I just sat at my desk

biting my nails

.   .   .

if he reads this I’ll die

actually, why would he ever read this?

he never did before

ok shutup

i’m allowed to be melodramatic

in my experiences tour relationships never work

just don’t go there

girlfriend

I told myself i wouldn’t

that i would give myself time

it was too soon

I’m getting good at this though

getting good at getting over people

haha

I’m not the kind of person who relies on anyone

i love my space

and yet

i love to be in love

or whatever it is

 

theres always that stage of besottedness

and then someone pulls out

haha

“but ohh that magice feeling…”

lasts for a while

it feels like

like it will last forever. you start thinking up highly inprobable circumstances.

but it’s not really my problem

it really isn’t

i feel crap now. like, everynow and again, i get flashes of memory, and I have those horrid dreams that leave you empty hearted and disappointed. You know the ones, where the dream is so much better than reality.

gah, I have done nothing today.

oh well.

sometimes I wonder how long it was

how long. and was it all just acting?

he must have been a pretty good actor

but why?

why go through the trouble?

why not just tell the truth

so was it all just lies?

well, I don’t know.

I’m just floating along right now.

yay

The Beatles

hmmm

‘Here comes the sun’

makes me happy listening to this stuff

I need to stop listening to depressing shit

start listening to uplifting stuff

I deleted all my texts

almost drowned my desk

I’m not trying to rhyme ok, so don’t think i’m a silly girl who thinks something rhymes when it clearly doesn’t

haha, all this crap has made me question myself

I have a new theory

want to hear it?

ok, so with teenage boys, many guys will fall faster than the girl does, but the girl just goes along with it, after awhile, the girl starts to get really attatched. It’s all great and everything, theres enough fire to frie a chicken. And then the guy looses that spark, he stops seeing stars in the girl’s eyes.

Theres nothing anyone can do about it. My friends all said, ‘well theres always that stage after about a month, but then you start to get over that little jump, it’s just like another obstacle. You find more things you like about the person as you go on.

I don’t know… maybe it’s just young ones, they don’t seem to last. Not enough faith in humanity, or love. I think that maybe it’s just useless, my mum told me that spark lasted for her and dad for about a year. What, so we just live with this person for the rest of our lives without a spark?

I’m not sure I want to have to do that. But then I think we all just move on… So either, you just lose it completely lose anything with this person, you keep going though, hoping that you’ll be ok. And you are. Thats if you can find more things to like about this person. It’s not like people only have one side to them. Besides, we change so much, sometimes I wonder if we’ll ever really know each other completely.

Haha, I have a good habit of ‘knowing’ people, I don’t know, sometimes it’s my failure. Because I tend to predict what they are saying, and then I can easily get bored with what people say. I guess I just have a really good memory haha.

Damnit, I’m supposed to be writing an art essay.

this is it so far:

It has been said that the second half of the nineteenth century marked an interest in the “heroism of modern life” and the beginnings of “art for art’s sake.” Discuss these terms in reference to the artworks of at least two of the following artists: Jean Francois Millet, Gustav Courbet and Edward Manet.

 

Intro

 

Style

The Realist movement came about in 1840 in France, and sought to convey a truthful and objective version of contemporary life. Social realism focused on ordinary people and everyday themes and verisimilitude. The Realist artist’s mission was the pursuit of truth, which would help erase social contradictions and imbalances.  Realism didn’t deal with the perfection of line and form, instead it entailed spontaneous and rough handling of paint, suggesting direct observation by the artist while portraying the irregularities in nature. Social Realism protested against adverse social conditions and the hardships of everyday life, and employed a broadly representational technique. Three of the main social realist artists were Jean Francois Millet, Gustav Courbet and Edward Manet.

 

Heroism of modern life

The Studio of the Painter, a Real Allegory, Gustav Courbet illustrates the concept of ‘heroism of modern life’, very well. At the center of the composition Courbet sits painting one of his more typical canvases which symbolically represents his ethos of “truth” in painting. The nude model watching him paint acts as an embodiment of unidealized beauty. All around are sights of an artist’s studio such as a skull, a model contorted into a complex pose, and another wearing a traditional Chinese costume and waiting to be called to the platform. Included in the crowd are also portraits of Courbet’s friends, collectors, and patrons. Yet Courbet directs his attention to a little peasant boy, whose opinion seems to matter more to the artist than those of the affluently dressed scholars and collectors observing him, demonstrating importance for artists to observe and represent the beauty of their contemporary reality.

 

Courbet was an outspoken opponent of the French government, he tookpart in the destruction of the Vendome Column, which resulted in imprisonment and exile from France. He was forced to spend the final years of his life in Switzerland, where he painted several landscape scenes, including ‘Landscape with Lake Geneva. The strong horizontals and cool blues and greens of this painting create and atmosphere of peace and resolution. Courbet seems to find comfort in his residing love of the natural world and solace for his forced exile in the beauty of the Swiss scenery. In this, there is a great paradox to Courbet’s art makes him so interesting.

 

The execution of Maxamillion by Manet was painted from 1867 to 1869

 

The Rescue Honore Daumier

French caricaturist Honore Daumier (1808-79) lampooned

Honore Daumier poked fun at politicians and the pretensions of the bourgeoisie. 

Art for art’s sake

it doesn’t make sense i know, thats why I have to write more haha

oh well, Better get to that

gosh my brain is buzzing.

I think I poored too much coffee into my cup today, so my hands are typing uber fast. Lol, havn’t said ‘uber’ for a while

NICE