My alter art ego

So I have this art blog now.

It’s really just an excuse to put up some pretty pictures.

Maybe soon I’ll put up my own pictures up there.

A little bit of self advertising hehe.

so check it out!

haha.

I called it i hate nolan

mostly because I don’t like Sudney Nolan haha

.

I just sat at my desk

biting my nails

.   .   .

if he reads this I’ll die

actually, why would he ever read this?

he never did before

ok shutup

i’m allowed to be melodramatic

in my experiences tour relationships never work

just don’t go there

girlfriend

I told myself i wouldn’t

that i would give myself time

it was too soon

I’m getting good at this though

getting good at getting over people

haha

I’m not the kind of person who relies on anyone

i love my space

and yet

i love to be in love

or whatever it is

 

theres always that stage of besottedness

and then someone pulls out

haha

“but ohh that magice feeling…”

lasts for a while

it feels like

like it will last forever. you start thinking up highly inprobable circumstances.

but it’s not really my problem

it really isn’t

i feel crap now. like, everynow and again, i get flashes of memory, and I have those horrid dreams that leave you empty hearted and disappointed. You know the ones, where the dream is so much better than reality.

gah, I have done nothing today.

oh well.

sometimes I wonder how long it was

how long. and was it all just acting?

he must have been a pretty good actor

but why?

why go through the trouble?

why not just tell the truth

so was it all just lies?

well, I don’t know.

I’m just floating along right now.

yay

The Beatles

hmmm

‘Here comes the sun’

makes me happy listening to this stuff

I need to stop listening to depressing shit

start listening to uplifting stuff

I deleted all my texts

almost drowned my desk

I’m not trying to rhyme ok, so don’t think i’m a silly girl who thinks something rhymes when it clearly doesn’t

haha, all this crap has made me question myself

I have a new theory

want to hear it?

ok, so with teenage boys, many guys will fall faster than the girl does, but the girl just goes along with it, after awhile, the girl starts to get really attatched. It’s all great and everything, theres enough fire to frie a chicken. And then the guy looses that spark, he stops seeing stars in the girl’s eyes.

Theres nothing anyone can do about it. My friends all said, ‘well theres always that stage after about a month, but then you start to get over that little jump, it’s just like another obstacle. You find more things you like about the person as you go on.

I don’t know… maybe it’s just young ones, they don’t seem to last. Not enough faith in humanity, or love. I think that maybe it’s just useless, my mum told me that spark lasted for her and dad for about a year. What, so we just live with this person for the rest of our lives without a spark?

I’m not sure I want to have to do that. But then I think we all just move on… So either, you just lose it completely lose anything with this person, you keep going though, hoping that you’ll be ok. And you are. Thats if you can find more things to like about this person. It’s not like people only have one side to them. Besides, we change so much, sometimes I wonder if we’ll ever really know each other completely.

Haha, I have a good habit of ‘knowing’ people, I don’t know, sometimes it’s my failure. Because I tend to predict what they are saying, and then I can easily get bored with what people say. I guess I just have a really good memory haha.

Damnit, I’m supposed to be writing an art essay.

this is it so far:

It has been said that the second half of the nineteenth century marked an interest in the “heroism of modern life” and the beginnings of “art for art’s sake.” Discuss these terms in reference to the artworks of at least two of the following artists: Jean Francois Millet, Gustav Courbet and Edward Manet.

 

Intro

 

Style

The Realist movement came about in 1840 in France, and sought to convey a truthful and objective version of contemporary life. Social realism focused on ordinary people and everyday themes and verisimilitude. The Realist artist’s mission was the pursuit of truth, which would help erase social contradictions and imbalances.  Realism didn’t deal with the perfection of line and form, instead it entailed spontaneous and rough handling of paint, suggesting direct observation by the artist while portraying the irregularities in nature. Social Realism protested against adverse social conditions and the hardships of everyday life, and employed a broadly representational technique. Three of the main social realist artists were Jean Francois Millet, Gustav Courbet and Edward Manet.

 

Heroism of modern life

The Studio of the Painter, a Real Allegory, Gustav Courbet illustrates the concept of ‘heroism of modern life’, very well. At the center of the composition Courbet sits painting one of his more typical canvases which symbolically represents his ethos of “truth” in painting. The nude model watching him paint acts as an embodiment of unidealized beauty. All around are sights of an artist’s studio such as a skull, a model contorted into a complex pose, and another wearing a traditional Chinese costume and waiting to be called to the platform. Included in the crowd are also portraits of Courbet’s friends, collectors, and patrons. Yet Courbet directs his attention to a little peasant boy, whose opinion seems to matter more to the artist than those of the affluently dressed scholars and collectors observing him, demonstrating importance for artists to observe and represent the beauty of their contemporary reality.

 

Courbet was an outspoken opponent of the French government, he tookpart in the destruction of the Vendome Column, which resulted in imprisonment and exile from France. He was forced to spend the final years of his life in Switzerland, where he painted several landscape scenes, including ‘Landscape with Lake Geneva. The strong horizontals and cool blues and greens of this painting create and atmosphere of peace and resolution. Courbet seems to find comfort in his residing love of the natural world and solace for his forced exile in the beauty of the Swiss scenery. In this, there is a great paradox to Courbet’s art makes him so interesting.

 

The execution of Maxamillion by Manet was painted from 1867 to 1869

 

The Rescue Honore Daumier

French caricaturist Honore Daumier (1808-79) lampooned

Honore Daumier poked fun at politicians and the pretensions of the bourgeoisie. 

Art for art’s sake

it doesn’t make sense i know, thats why I have to write more haha

oh well, Better get to that

gosh my brain is buzzing.

I think I poored too much coffee into my cup today, so my hands are typing uber fast. Lol, havn’t said ‘uber’ for a while

NICE

it is the end of something .

 

so, the only way i can express myself is through Ben Folds right now…

Leaf by Leaf page by page
Throw this book away
All the sadness all the rage
Throw this book away
Rip out the binding, tear the glue
All of the grief we never ever knew
We had it all along
Now its smoke
The things we’ve written in it
Never really happened
All of the people come and gone
Never really lived
All of the people have come have gone
No one to forgive smoke
We will never write a new one
There will not be a new one
Another one, another one
Here’s an evening dark with shame
Throw it on the fire
here’s the time I took the blame
Throw it on the fire
Here’s the time we didn’t speak
it seemed for years and years
Here’s a secret
No one will ever know the
reasons for the tears
They are smoke
Where do all the secrets live
They travel in the air
You can smell them when they burn
They travel
Those who say the past is not dead
Stop and smell the smoke
You keep on saying the past is not dead
Come on and smell the smoke
You keep saying the past is not even past
You keep saying
We are, smoke

So you can probably guess what happened.

yeah thats right.

hmmm, now it goes back to normal, i will jump of this rollercoaster.

hop off this cloud i’ve been living on.

hmmm, i keep writing all this stuff and then i delete it because ‘just in case’

you know ‘just in case’

when you think up highly inprobable circumstances

don’t you worry we’ll all float on alright

i can still listen to modest mouse

it’s the billy joel that gets me sad

haha

oh well, i’ll get through this.

it is the end of something.

but the beginning of something new.

Have I told you?

girl

I used to have these dreams, when I was young and lonely.

the one I remember most vividly is this dream where I’m sitting at the end of this giant long telescope that keeps going out into space till you can’t even see the earth. I’d sit at the end and bash my legs on the lenses as the boredom sunk in. There was no point even trying to get back to earth, I’d start walking and then give up and walk back to the edge. I’d fear falling off, where I would end up floating amongst space junk, in an abyss that swallowed my heart, body and mind.

gosh what a troubled child I was.

Other dreams were pretty horrid. I remember my sister jumping off our balcony in Adelaide, she would have been aiming to jump into the pool. Although I never saw what happened, I knew she hadn’t made it, and instead, those spiky child-proof poles would enter my mind.

Did you ever have a dream where everything just goes really fast, music is on fast forward and people move and talk really quickly. These were disturbing dreams, I’m yet to find someone who has had a similar experience.

Scrap booking

hmmm scrap booking

I miss scrap booking.

I havn’t done it in a while, not since time was cut from my hands. Not since i started getting my head damn deep in paper. By the way, that is not my work, I would tell you who did make it, but I can’t find it any references.

I guess I’ve let out some of that teenage scrap booking angst on my visual diary (for TEE art). This is all much to the confusion of my art teachers.

Theres some amazing stuff on the web these days, all these web comics and such. It’s just mind blowing.

I can’t wait till the new Frankie comes out.

*sigh* It gets so hot in this room, up on the top floor of the boarding house, the sun is burning up right at my window.

I wonder if I’ll keep all this when I’ve left school, I hope I do. Then again, I hope I will be too busy to come back here too frequently.

Last night: Hillsong. Drag-queens. Vodka.

I’m trying to recap on last night. Such a strange night it was. This post came late and after governer’s concert so it has little relevance, oh well.(It was not actually last night as such that I have come round to posting it)

After spending a day in the city and being at a state of discontent, I was quite tired. Being angry or unsatisfied can have this effect on you. After finally seeing the ‘brighter side’, It all seemed a lot better. However, sacrificing a whole precious day to that concert, to then not get desired results, sure put a dampener on the day. I admit, I loved the performing and such, the usual thrills, It’s just that I’m constantly at battle with what i should be doing and what I want to be doing, and it feels like i shouldn’t be doing all these extra-curricular activities, I shouldn’t have a boyfriend when theres so much work. After freezing outside and being disappointed by a few things, I just wanted to go back to sleep and get on with TEE, so that I wouldn’t let down my family. This wouldn’t happen though, because I was obliged to go to this afters at our house in Floreat. In the end, it was quite fun. hopping in the car to realize I had just entered the crazy stream of events that Mum and my sister and friends were on, came as a shock. We were driving around Perth to find Cathy, Mum was incredibly angry and distressed and Terri was delirious. I was depressed and at this stage had a huge amount of bitterness in my mouth, I was acting quite immaturely I seem to remember, although I just wanted people to calm down. I vaguely recall hillsong, drag queens and vodka

Have you ever had that feeling?…

Of utter contentment.

most of the time it happens after a warm shower (NB: it helps if you wash with cold just before you get out, don’t ask, it works)

If you have just spent amazing time with a particular someone, it also happens.

It helps if you have just cleaned your room, and not just the “i shoved all my shoes and crap under my bed or in my wardrobe” clean, the “i spent a loving hour ordering things and cleansing my mind and room of all the crap surrounding my life” clean

Listen to some calm music: here is a playlist I suggest:

Band Of Horses – The First Song

Tyler Ramsey – A Long Dream

Emiliana Torrini – Sunny Road

Bjork – Hyperballad

good weather for utter contentment:

idealistically, sun-showers would be recommended, however, this doesn’t always happen.

I guess, whatever weather you really like, you may be a sun person, or a rain person.

Wind is nice, you could even be outside being swept up with the leaves and the world seems big enough and you small enough to not care, so much so that all worry seeps into the earth.

It’s official, it’s now funny to make fun of homosexuals again.

Katy Perry confirms masculinity roles in ‘UR so gay’ and strengthens feminine stereotypes in her other song ‘One of the boys’. Perry’s attempts to be edgy and different is tame and retrograde, and often offensive to the gay community. Using the term ‘Gay’ in a derogatory fashion brings back memories of schoolyard bullies.

Perhaps Perry’s provocative ‘I kissed a girl’ could be awarded for pushing boundaries and encouraging girls to keep an ‘open mind’, however, listeners who pay attention to the lyrics may notice the negative portrayal of lesbians and homosexual behavior: “I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it
It felt so wrong.. Don’t mean I’m in love tonight.” this stance has really just given us the “bi till graduation” stereotype of high school and college girls who make out with other girls as an immature phase that they grow out of.

The song UR so gay is about Perry’s ex-boyfriend who she finds revenge for through ‘insulting his sexuality’. the lyrics start with ” hope you hang yourself with your H&M scarf While jacking off listening to Mozart”, is this implying that listening to classical music deems you homosexual? or do the words ” You don’t eat meat and drive electrical cars” mean that ethical eating and environmental concerns give you the same sex preference? Ok so maybe Perry is not really using the words ‘gay’ meaning homosexual, if this is the case, then using the term ‘gay’ as if it is demeaning, well, how is this any better?

to be continued…

Tour

this is probably over due

oh well

things I liked about tour:

Tom Yum

Freedom

Meercats

Taxis

Adventure

Icecream

Surreal Airplane ride

Abandoned Arts centre

food courts

Late night talks

rain

jazz

kickapoo

Bus rides

Candy

7 eleven

Wind

Harbor

Frankie

Train

Moon

Views

Jamming

School Uniform

P&A

Cordial

Other Schools

Tiredness

City

Dodgy

Gleg

Lifts

Pool

Busy

Sweetness

Claustrophobia

corridors

Paper planes

Belgium Chocolate

10 dollar milkshake

late

Sore Feet

Rain

kickapoo aahh yup

happiness

Ok, i’m ready to write another blog.

I think i can finally empty some of the junk gathering around my brain cells.

All the times I’ve felt compelled to write something down I’ve landed on this trusty writing page and lost motivation.

I’ve also been *terribly* busy

It’s a ridiculously stupid time to be busy.

Also, you know when you have an enormous craving for a certain song?

well, I’ve got that, and I need my fix dammit.

It’s so inconvenient.

I have to write a feature article.

I’m thinking of writing it about how we now consider money a substitute for happiness and how we let this control our lives.

maybe I’ll throw in some nice philosophical quotes, I don’t know…

I should start writing it soon.

haha my photography skills

I found a new Jeff Buckley song the other day, a cover, called satisfied mind. I was excited when i read about this song in someones blog, hearing it quoted as the ‘best piece of song writing they had ever heard’. My high expectations give reason to the fact that i was disappointed, however, I still have hope that it will turn up again one day when I’m skipping through my playlists.

you should all go here.

http://www.ourcivilisation.com/decline/orwell1.htm

this piece of writing is brilliant, I think everyone should be forced to read it for English or something.