No Sugar- Nutshell statement

I’ll just rant a bit first:

I love this quote by Sam on the first page”

“Koorawoorung! Nyoongahs corroboreein’ to a wetjala’s brass band!”

Sam is laughing at the idea of His fellow Nyoongah people celebrating the Foundation Day, a day when Australia was officially taken away from the indigenous people.

Jack Davis shows the audience, through juxtaposition of the artificial poumpous white nature in those times and the Aboriginal culture of living off the land and spiritual living, that not is all as it seems- not everyone can be categorized under a certain stereotype and certainly, despite your condition, no matter how hard it seems, there is always a was to live on.

No Sugar challenges the prejudiced, negative stereotypes of Aborigines operating in a mainstream Australian society. Despite the Mullimurras’ problems, they survive as a family with resourcefulness and dignity.

Jack Davis requests that white Australians understand that Aboriginals feel dispossessed of their land and spirituality. White intervention has drawn a line between past and future. Indigenous Australians cannot have their preferred future.

Reality and Unreality.

Why do we want to live in a fantasy?
There’s a better place for you and me right here in reality
‘Cause this love is what dreams are made of
I hope you never have to settle for even less

- The Whitlams

I have thin blood

I also get migranes

haha

unlucky

guess it’s better than some people.

I don’t like forgetting things

like my childhood

‘guess I should just accept it

I like to look at negative spaces…

I notice spaces and small objects

and colours

“no thats not just blue, can’t you see there’s green and brown in it too?”

Floreat makes me feel a bit lonely now, a few distant memories haunt. I don’t know where I belong, I have become alien to Lancelin, It’s always go go go in the boarding house, maybe I’ll be a nomad.

Let’s go live in the desert and isolate ourselves from society for a while, I’ll learn the harmonica.

We’ll light a fire and watch it disappear as the night grows old. We’ll lie on a tarp and stare into the stars, we’ll hear things moving in the shrubs and try to forget the world. For a moment not for a second, we’ll belong everywhere, everytime, we will move along with the wind.

Ashes and a large kangaroo, We’ll wake with the sand next to us. Look out to a new world, different to the night before. Stones will sting our feet, the cold making skin sensitive.

Relight this fire, from the night before, relight a moment. Renew hope. Grab it before it’s gone.

Before it’s too late

But don’t forget to accept.

happy is…

We live on a mountain
right at the top
there’s a beautiful view
from the top of the mountain
every morning i walk towards the edge
and throw little things off
like:
car-parts, bottles and cutlery
or whatever i find lying aroundit’s become a habit
a way
to start the day

i go through this
before you wake up
so i can feel happier
to be safe up here with you

it’s real early morning
no-one is awake
i’m back at my cliff
still throwing things off
i listen to the sounds they make
on their way down
i follow with my eyes ’til they crash
imagine what my body would sound like
slamming against those rocks

and when it lands
will my eyes
be closed or open?

i’ll go through all this
before you wake up
so i can feel happier
to be safe up here with you

 

 

            – Bjork

 

 

I remember driving around Margaret River one morning, after rain.

This song was playing.

The car was quiete all except for these beautiful words buzzing around.

The window was open and when I closed my eyes I could see patterns; the sun glaring through gaps in the trees.

The promise of a new day, a morning of family and a feeling of security.

Security lingered for a while but her presence would not be felt for long.

After all.

Nothing lasts.

 

 

 

 

Hurrah

Ok so today was really good!

Cantate was quite fun, our pianist Simon got me to sight read some classical mass type song, I said I was alright at sight reading but when i tried to sing it was a big fail for me! haha.

There’s some sort of choir called the ‘Giovanni concort’, Simon got me to sing that song to see if I was good enough, I tried to get on the website, but it’s blocked, you’ve got to be careful, getting involved in these kind of choirs, they’re real bad influences, you know, singing praise to the lord and stuff, Stmary’s obviously just don’t agree with that kind of thing, being an anglican shcool and all…

oh well, enough complaints about the boarding house and it’s impossible cencorship.

I’m really looking forward to tour, I must start naming things I need to get for it.

I will mostly use disposable cameras I think, it’s so much more satisfying actually getting hard copies of photos.

So! new aim: start buying disposable cameras…I might take about five cameras and then a digital camera so that I can get film and photos if I run out of film in the other cameras (I probably will haha)

I will take a little sketch pad and some pencils, write random quotes in my journal and take economics and maths, that means taking my calculator too hmm…

Which suitcase should I take? hmm this is something I have to think about…

Diary entry 2

I was right all along, it was too shakey to build anything on. Like attempting to build houses in tropical climates. When it gets hot or rains the cement expands and rest of the building bends and seeps, like a lost face.

I feel so drained right now, I just want to be with my family, I just want to see dad and mum.

No one else will really do anything for me right now, hmmm… let me think about that, maybe someone will, but i’m too fast, too quick to jump to something new, but maybe thats what I need, something different and new.

My life is so stupid right now ha!

and i’m being melodramatic again…

I’m sitting here in my school top hoping no one else will walk in because it would be wierd and i just can’t construct a sentence that will please anyone.

Listening to ‘Hide and Seek’

I’m a bit cold, on the outside and inside, but If I close the window I’ll overheat.

I read into things far too much haha

Such a silly girl I am.

 

I wrote a poem about a moth that was outside my window, after i realized how much more freedom it had than me…

 

 upon my window a bright green moth

an illuminous neon emerald moth

swallowed by the ebony night

somehow it glowed

but to no one’s delight

 

Others who lived by the day

were stifled by the sun that shone

they remained dull and grey

took for granted, the sky’s bright song

 

how can this moth fly so bright?

it’s wings not tainted by the night?

How can people live in yellow?

while consume they’reselves with with fright?

How could we not see the good?

While so priviledged and alive we stood?

 

For a moment it would stay

proving light beyond the day

penetrate it’s luminescence

through the man’s hard shell of clay

blocking out the joy and light

the moth gave up and took flight

 

 

 

 

 

Lalalala…

See in the morning how the world is frozen

And the hour shuffles it’s feet.

See the dust lit with gold.

There is no race or defeat

 

You know when…

You know when you feel like theres something going on that you don’t understand?

You know when you feel like you’ve given up, you just want to go hide under your doona

When even things that you would get excited about, don’t seem to interest you anymore.

Seems i can’t sleep at night, although I crave to just stop.

This term is never-ending… A bit like the never ending story, except without the excitement and a walking tree, and a flying dog.

Gosh.

I. Just. Want. To. Stop.

Haha, i find myself rambling a lot these days. I still need to work something out. I wish I could talk about it but I don’t know how to. Being a teenager should be much less complex than this. I just want to have fun, weekends are supposed to be for fun, but it seems that I always come back from a weekend with more to think about, more to worry about.

It’s Friday, I’m brain-dead. Quiz night tonight, haha the questions are always really obscure and I am never any use at them. I remember last years quiz night, it was lots of fun, although it kind of failed because people degraded into this mess of throwing stuff.

I don’t know what I’ve done, but It seems whatever I did offended someone and I wish I could somehow right this. It seems my failure at using words will always be my greatest downfall.

This is so self-indulgent it’s just sad. Haha, all this crap that I think I just write so it gets off my chest, i’m probably just repeating stuff I’ve already said.

Cannot believe it’s actually Friday, It finally came, I thought it never would, but here it is, it’s sitting patiently, to show itself, to truly shine, don’t worry Friday, You’ll soon be given your chance to shine, private study has nearly finished, and then i can give you all my undivided attention.’

Haha. I’m delirious, but aren’t I always?

Mrs Lawson cut her hair, by herself. She was quite embarrassed about it. I had even more respect for her because of it. She said the other day that she was somehow related to Karl Marx, who is also somehow related to Jesus. I would scrap Jesus, Karl Marx would be so cool to be related to, I can’t think of anyone else I would prefer to be related to!

This keyboard gives me a sore wrist.

WOW I actuallly feel so happy!

Oh my goodness, I feel so good!

band tonight was actually so fun

I sucked so bad!

Cathy got thick rimmed rayban classes haha i wrote classes instead of GLASSES oh lol

The moth flew away

I’m an indie whore  :-S

hopefully i will become more of an indie and less of a whore, not that that really makes sense.

haha, I got four hours of sleep last night; silly me left my boring foreign investment (econs) ass till last minute.

So! now i’m incredibly dilerious, but REALLY happy!

Today was also a good day because certain people got back together and Sarah left all these happy sticket notes in Kat’s locker, making me happy to be going to this school.

Do you ever wonder what it would be like if you had gone to another school? If you didn’t know the people you know now? or if for some small defining action you had not ended up being friends with the people you are friends with now? These thoughts are difficult to comprehend, seeing as I have come to know myself as  a part of the people i spend most of my time with. Also, will I change much when I leave this place and most probably need to make new friends?

Things are really turning up! I feel so good! i could run a mile! even though i almost couldn’t keep my eyes open today haha!

I’m angry at the system ‘rar’

So the idea for art for our new projects, this time it’s not about dogs, I thought I would paint people who live on the street; say, homeless people, or people who work on the street (the theme is ‘local colour’; streetscapes). One day I was looking at cardboard boxes in the art department and it came to me just how lovely they are, all brown and boxy, every little dent and hole just adding character. Haha, I’m such a freak, oh well. So, add the two together and now i’m going to do my studio on cardboard boxes, and I’ll use boxes that add extra meaning, like for example, I’ve been using liquor boxes because alcohol is often what sends people out on the streets, I wish I knew more about people who live on the street, It seems a little silly and naive what I’m doing, but there are way too many homeless people in a developed country, You walk around the city almost completely oblivious to the people who walk bare-footed in the city, but then when you look for them, you realize there’s an appalling abundance of homeless people in Perth.

The teachers were all really excited about me painting on boxes, but they want me to use really neat large boxes. I want to use scabby horrible boxes, they’re like ‘PUSH THE BOUNDARIES GIRLS, TRY A NEW MEDIA, DON’T USE A CANVAS BLA BLA BLA’ and now it’s like ‘NO DON’T CROSS THE BOUNDARIES THAT FAR, PRESS THE RED BUTTON! NO DON’T PRESS THE RED BUTTON!”

rar

the trouble is, i might just have to do what they say, cause if I don’t they will mark it lower bah.

I feel

Overwhelmed by something I don’t quite understand…

Claustrophobic in these maroon walls.

I want to sit in our over-sized, rusty roofed Landcruiser, stick my head out of the window and open my mouth. I’ll leave my mouth open till it dries right out and my eyes water. The emerald sea of hills, attacked by the black remains of a recent bushfire comfort, a gentle reminder of a land which remains my only real love. There it is, the thin silver line, the evening breeze spotting its surging surface with white-caps. The wind will whip away any worries weighing my mind. Static interrupting the acoustic humming of the radio. The dog’s paws scrape at my bare thighs, her excitement for home insuppressible.

I remember waking up in Lancelin and Dad would be playing either 90’s alternative music or some Bach concerto on the family computer. The bright, warm glow of the early morning sun would glare through the half-shut blinds and that distinct musky morning smell would flow through as someone opened the door. Just waking up, I’d lie on the lounge floor to be greeted by Milo who would jump around me, greet me for a second and then expect me to open the door, as if a deal had been made about the amount of love she gave per day.

I feel like going home, maybe just for a while, I need to surf, I need to clear my head. God I miss home right now, I want that wind, I want open spaces and bare car-parks. I want to walk through the long salty grass, just long enough to sting at my leg, I want to walk along the creek and find tadpoles. I want to ride my bike till it reaches night and i feel obliged to return home, even though there’s not a soul out. I even want to ride past the bogans in the skate park, who make it all the more welcoming to return home where mum will be making Lahksa and dad will be listening to some audio book so all can hear.

Looking out the door I see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners
Parading in a wake of sad relations as their shoes fill up with water
And maybe Im too young to keep good love from going wrong
But tonight youre on my mind so you never know

When Im broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it
Where are you tonight, child you know how much I need it
Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run

Sometimes a man gets carried away, when he feels like he should be having his fun
And much too blind to see the damage hes done
Sometimes a man must awake to find that really, he has no-one

So Ill wait for you… and Ill burn
Will I ever see your sweet return
Oh will I ever learn

Oh lover, you shouldve come over
cause its not too late

Lonely is the room, the bed is made, the open window lets the rain in
Burning in the corner is the only one who dreams he had you with him
My body turns and yearns for a sleep that will never come

Its never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
Its never over, all my riches for her smiles when I slept so soft against her
Its never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter
Its never over, shes the tear that hangs inside my soul forever

Well maybe Im just too young
To keep good love from going wrong

Oh… lover, you shouldve come over
cause its not too late

Well I feel too young to hold on
And Im much too old to break free and run
Too deaf, dumb, and blind to see the damage Ive done
Sweet lover, you shouldve come over
Oh, love well Im waiting for you

Lover, you shouldve come over
cause its not too late